How Ritsu Conquered Antarctica
by Chiharu-senpai
Summary: In 1942 navigator Tainaka Ritsu led three ships, the Pina, the Ninta, and the Santa Maria on a voyage to find a faster route to Mars. She arrived at a body of land where the native penguins offered her shampoo and chocolate chips. Nah, it's only a survey.


After posting a crack-survey on the Strawberry Panic! archive I got a request to post one on the K-ON! archive. Thanks go to Yaaga, who sent me the questions. Hope you enjoy it.

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><p><strong>How Ritsu Conquered Antarctica<strong>

Think of seven characters from your favorite fandom and number them — one through seven, obviously.

1. Mugi  
>2. Nodoka<br>3. Yui  
>4. Sawako<br>5. Ritsu  
>6. Azusa<br>7. Mio

Answer these twenty questions:

1) How might Three describe a relationship between Five and Six?

Probably cute, knowing Yui…She might also describe it as being kinky once she finds out where Ritsu's inserting her sticks O.o

2) What is the greatest and what is the worst thing about Two?

The greatest thing about Nodoka is that she's the only character in the anime who isn't completely unhinged. The worst thing about Nodoka is that she's class rep, and I've always had problems with authoritative classmates.

3) TwoxFive or TwoxSix?

Nodoka and Ritsu. They'd be easier to write for, since they interacted more as opposed to Nodoka's seldom interactions with Azusa. There could also be a running romantic gag revolving around Nodoka busting Ritsu's ass over constantly and conveniently forgetting auditorium rental forms…I have a feeling Mio should be added as a third wheel for a love triangle arc.

...Watched Episode 27 today. Apparently Nodoka and Azusa HAVE spoken. I still like RitsuxNodoka better.

4) Write a summary of a fic involving Five and Seven.

HAH Everyone's got one for _this _pairing!

Umm…She stood up for the raven-haired girl in psychology class when their teacher tormented them. She went to see her when she fell ill for a day. When one night she stays over to confront a ghost that has been haunting Mio's stairwell Ritsu realizes she has not been doing all this simply for the sake of friendship…but what could come after friendship…?

That's Recording, ladies and gents. Read it!

5) Why is Four hot? (Or why isn't?)

She'll pounce you, strip you, and force you to wear some skimpy maid outfit. I love a woman that can overpower me.

6) Suggest a title for a Seven/Three Hurt/Comfort fic.

Urmm...(secret about me: I suck at titles. Don't tell no one.) ...A Fic In Which Mio Hurts Yui And Then Comforts Her.

7) What might be a good pick-up line for Four to use on Two?

"You know, between us we have eight eyes and four breasts."

8) Is there any such thing as a One/Six fluff?

Probably. There's one AzusaxMugi fic where Azusa's parents beat her up and she runs to Mugi for some comfort.

9) Would One and Four make a good couple?

Heh. Yeah, totes. I mean, Mugi was making moon eyes at Sawako all throughout episode 5 (season 1) and told Mio that Sawako made her heart go doki doki.

10) If you were drawing Six eating or drinking something (let's assume you can draw), what would it look like?

I'd draw Azusa with kitty ears, crouched on the floor with her face dipped in an open can of tuna. There would be scooching SFX as she pushes the can across the floor while eating (I'm having tuna salad now, and that's what my cat is doing).

11) If you wrote a song-fic about Three, what song would you choose?

"I'm Only Sleeping" by the Beatles. It's a tribute to all who are lazy.

12) What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Seven to de-flower One?

I suffer from a condition known as story elephantitis, so expect the plot to be long and full of fluff and introspections, mostly on Mio's part. I'm envisioning a scene where Mugi takes Mio to Finland (their relationship has progressed fairly far at this point), and when a snowstorm suddenly hits while they're out on a date they run back drenched and freezing to Mugi's cabin. Mugi puts some tea on and leaves Mio shivering at the kitchen table. Unable to take the cold much longer, Mio staggers over to the room they're supposed to be sharing in this cabin only to walk in on Mugi changing. Mio would then get embarrassed, cry out and cover her eyes and say that she only came here for a blanket because she was so cold. She suddenly feels warmth, and when she opens her eyes she finds Mugi hugging her, only half-dressed. They forget the tea (and hopefully the cabin won't burn down) as they make love, Mio in the lead, fingerbanging Mugi because that way they can make eye contact and Mio can see what Mugi looks like when she pops her cork.

Intriguing. That's my next fic!

13) What would be Four's battle shout in an MMORPG (or action anime)?

At the risk of sounding uncreative here, I fancy Sawako roaring, "I've been waiting for you to come! DIE!"

14) What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Five having sex?

If Mio walked in on Nodoka and Ritsu having sex she would yell, "How could you cheat on me, Ritsu?" …except more likely she would spend the next six hours crouched in a corner trying to unsee Ritsu in a flesh-colored negligee and wearing Nodoka's glasses.

15) What is a typical One/Three fanfic about, if something like that exists? If not, what would you expect?

YuixMugi…I would expect Mugi to play the more dominant role, in a nurturing motherly sort of way.

16) What career path seems most suiting for Five?

I love Ritsu's voices, from her sumo wrestler voice to her girly voice to her manager voice…so I think if not drummer in an awesomesauce band, then some good careers would be ventriloquist, anime voice actress, or radio host (her seiyuu has those last two).

17) If you wrote a One/Six/Seven fic, what would the warning be?

WARNING: May contain eyebrow-licking.

18) What animal would you associate Three with?

Squirrels.

19) And what stereotypical fantastic race Two makes you think of?

Race, as in ethnicity? Nodoka seems like your stereotypical prudent, industrious Asian.  
>Race, as in competition? Well, since the naked bikers race makes me want to surrender the contents of my stomach I'll put Nodoka in the 2012 Presidential Race…oh wait, she wasn't born in the U.S. Never mind.<p>

20) What could Five learn from Four?

Ritsu might learn from Sawako how to get Mio to wear that sexy maid cosplay outfit in the bedroom.


End file.
